elicitwords.com Blog

so pretty soon Ashley and her family will be here to visit…

and i am nervous that our house is not nice enough, that i am weird… that things will be strange… that they will think we are odd… and if they think that in the extreme… what will that mean about interactions over all?

just thoughts.

terrible dream….flooding, mass exodus. stay away from electric things while standing in water. the rainy week. ridiculous

on a brighter note….

the plants are super excited for the water.

life is a blessing….

not so bright just frustrated:
lets just start yelling about it lol….and pouting and hiding away…and god forbid a person get angry….or a person rolls their eyes…at the pouty pouts thrown here and there…

off to apply for family health plus. if i get denied…will i briefly though admittedly so…bitterly mock the lower middle class placement in this grand stratified society. – $66 dollars over in deductions…must re…work…the…numbers. back to the drawing board…. appointment….3rd time, next week.

did my son give me lip about vacuuming last night… a little. …was i pissed… yeah… it’s not that hard the dog is shedding like a mo fo and you should vacuum every day!!!

thinking about my friend who is going through review and loss…what does the symbol of ‘mother’ stand for…. and the ideal matched up to the reality.

thinking about my mother…and all the ladies at work who openly vent about their parents… yadda yadda… i notice most people have got some issues with their relationships…

thinking about the dynamics in social networking…. who flashes this or that…. the competitive spirit of old rivalries between families…sickening…. the make a stand yadda yadda… the what would jesus do folks who blaze away with pompenstance. i like how if you just throw in the wwjd… in a comment some how subdues my inner back talk. leave it at that.

the challenges of being in a marriage that you have struggled in off and on…and what that is like when under the inspection of public opinion…. – what blessing can i focus on…many, what drag me down restraints and a group ‘do this’… along with defamatory catch phrases…. i will review them in ease.

the big baby in us all…

and why does ‘depression’ hurt… pain is relative. it’s true… someone might feel a lot of pain, but what is seen is stupidity…or i might feel a lot of this or that…but what others see is this or that… a mis match. that is it… the mismatch…

taking for granted a moment….planning for a rainy day not today but a far off one… compared to totally in the moment.

a seal, a mermaid, a sunset….

‘your emotions are wrong’. ok cool… same old same old. see you on the flip side.

the joys of silence….

a house that is empty.

watching noah sleep is still a joy.

his skin is the softest skin i have ever known…specially the cheek skin.

steamed chicken <- so good.

rain catching in cupped pedals.

the mushrooms will be sprouting soon with all this moisture.

i would love to go hiking today.

peace and blessings

the private investigator super concerned about his prowling…suspicions. introduced himself to me. i was very confused how interesting could our neighbors be? i wonder if drug smugglers… or terrorist…or a series from ‘cheaters’ is the reason he sits in his car taking notes. he seems nice….of course he only said… a brief introduction showed me his identification and wanted to assure me that he is not here watching my son as he noticed i had a child…and i think he was concerned that i was concerned. is this a standard practice? that they introduce themselves…how private could their investigating be? what if i was good friends with the people in the neighborhood, i am not…but if i was wouldn’t it blow his ‘cover’? now every time i walk around the block i think crazy thoughts about what is going on in the homes near me… it’s been kind of cool stoking the imagination.

frustrating: 13 parents signed up for the parent orientation, only 1 shows… thank goodness she brought her three kids… but we still have a zillion pounds of left over pizza. don’t parents want to engage? don’t they want to get all the supports they can in place to give their kids a great child hood. being a mom i can’t figure out why they would pass up the free program that provides mentoring for kids. being imperfect and at times fumbling with my parenting… i can think or relate…or try to empathize well maybe a few of them got lost…double booked their Sunday, the baseball game ran too long… the kids started fighting in the back seat of the car and mom had to pull over and then turn around. …but in the end i am still frustrated that i have to close-out so many potential matches.

so last night Ryan was over and we were discussing a multitude of things…but one of the top things on my list involved my worry about my community garden, with one lock already being cut off…and the hours of work i have put into it, i would be extremely crushed if someone took my plants or tried to damage them. i don’t know about this community garden location… it’s in a crummy neighborhood…near where i use to live…and i remember now why we wanted out of there. the high amount of theft, and disrespect towards others property is pretty high.

also on talking to Ryan about how old we are getting…relatively speaking…but maybe i mean more like how old we are feeling… it is the music that highlights my inner voice… nicki minaj and the beez in the trap… the entire thing. has me wondering? what the hell, it is the youth ya know… that i wonder what are they getting out of this?

i won the a free lunch for guessing the number of quest to the chef challenge… i think i will pick Indian lunch buffet.

also the board is buying us lunch today…i am super excited about my curry shrimp and onions….

life is good…even if baby bunnies are dying left and right. blah!!!

feeling great about bringing my hand weights to work to do some things in-between tasks. and of course i have the two flights of stairs that i will run up and down today. my goal is to do 20 up and down daily each day this week. hope i can ward of arm flab… (STAY AWAY!)

i really hope we are eligible for family health plus…. it’s kind of ridiculous at this point, as i scan through the options with insurance plans. super expensive!!! i meet with them tomorrow.

our dog swallowed a baby bunny whole. yep… it is disturbing.

our cat caught another baby bunny and made it…a play thing…till it died. disturbing from an observation on the side lines…
nature cute, fun, magical…cruel.

i hope that mother rabbit NEVER makes a nest in my yard again…it is stressful worrying about bunnies. plus she ate all the tomato and pepper plants that i planted back there.

i am super relieved to have the next few hours to myself. josh’s birthday was exhausting… fun…with a sugar bloat…and skin full of sun. i need a cleanse.

the joys – friendships. food. drinks. clear skies. love.

….also i am fed up with all these black dog hair clumps… zoe is shedding her self to a lighter version, weight not color.

tired of humans. not to insult the humans i spend time with… but it is nice to be separated for some time with only bird chirping.. thesoft tapping sounds of my foot soul…the sound of dishes in water, getting clean with my motions. no tv, no radio…no friendship maintenance, no romantic shoring. envisioning that i am an alien…here visiting…it’s a fleeting feeling…till i become immersed in the emotions and then i am squarely set in the middle…human.

rolling and tumbling with a three year old cutie, is a great relief to be in unhindered beaming.

the more things change the more they stay the same – ‘ain’t that the truth…’ – who can’t quote that and follow that up with a similar thought…if you can’t – are you missing something? – this is of course an observation. on observation: tidy, shinny…self conscious…twitchy bitchy girls…who feel unappreciated and talk shit about the untidy…spite-ly….maneuver, with the very best intentions of making you ‘right’. while the girl with the right bone structure, small stature…joyful freedom…entraps a cycle of momentary bliss…the protective movements to stay boundless by choice. on observation: forget the disappoint in peoples verbal-abilities… words…and mis-matched body language. forget about it, it’s as stated above, the words… a capture of one moment to struggle with the repeat visitation. it was one moment, not set in place for permanence. no one speaks much around here though they all got a list of agendas to run through, some unconscious thing working its way out to be know in general sweeping statements or parallel stories to take care of covering what they feel they need to say, after a while i slip back into my quiet mind…and they talk, i listen. divine…there was a time… when it was the words on my mind and my mind on my lips (see through) now its my lips on my mind and my lips know these tricks. they mystery is depleted…quickly…the long term begins….

no one wants to be cornered with ‘hey you!” and left to wonder…’what?’

the garden needs me…and i need the garden. it becomes a burden when i have a billion things going on. right now i am on the cusp of appriciation and one more thing on my list.

spider warts…closing and opening and the cluster is growing…spreading, all over the neighborhood… every day i pass them they draw my attention…

going to run with zombies

going to eat amazing pasta salad and drink sun tea.

patiently awaiting my pink toed lady arachnid.

ICED COCONUT COFFEE IS DELICIOUS!!!

i like that song on eqx that repeats something like ‘pick up the pace’…and i think i will obsess about it until i get the name. i want to use that song for running.

while at the gym the other day i noted that i am sticking to my comfort zone… – fail. must work on embarrassing myself on that chin ups machine…. i know i can do it… make myself feel really odd and under inspection…to break out of that feeling to ‘this is ordinary’ and ‘everyday’.

i don’t care… i will post it 100 more times this song is joy to dance to…

A really YUMMY breakfast.

ingredients:…

yeah… ham, leeks, cheese (i used mozzarella) eggs, milk, butter, salt and pepper.

Chop up the ham, leeks and cheese.
Break two to three eggs in a bowl.
Add a dash or two dashes of milk.
Whip the eggs…with a fork.
Add in cut veggies.
Melt real butter in a frying pan till it sizzles.
Dump in eggs with all the goodies.
Let sit till the top is bubbling.
Flip over…
Let it brown slightly on each side.

it feels like it has been raining for days… i am hoping to get over to the community garden plot as soon as it dries up a little to pull more weeds and find more leeks.

so i am so in love with leeks…because they are yummy and i picked them myself.

these are the kinds of people i have lamented over being friends with: people with these types of ideas and mentalities:

~~~~
‘last i saw it was on your windowsill in your book room. I sincerely just want my stuff back because it is now useful to me. Like most of your messages I dont have time to read them and if you are now going to just tell me that you dont have it you could have told any one of your friends who speak to me as well. I would appreciate you stop wasting a lot of your own energy on speaking about me, its extremely stalker-ish and ive been told to consider legal action. Please do not make me consider it, I have accepted the loss of many other things that were given to you, this was something that I figured would not be a drawn out ordeal since last you said you would send me whatever else you find. Well now you have the info and if you find it thats the only interaction that ever needs to happen between us, if not, I would prefer to keep not knowing you, its strange that all of the things you said about yourself were true, i just truly believed that people were actually “more” than that within themselves but clearly, thats not the case.
wow! lucky you! you got this much out of me! glad I could still make you cream in your pants!’

~~~~

i don’t know where this book and cd is!!! you left with a box of things i never even looked through…and if it is in my pile of books i have not spent a second tearing that pile down to look for it , as you basically said you enjoy taking my energy so any energy i will excert witll be this type, and nothing to help you any more. if i come across it that is another matter, but to set time aside to look for something for you…no. not happening after you have shown yourself and your mindsets.

‘ Like most of your messages I dont have time to read them and if you are now going to just tell me that you dont have it you could have told any one of your friends who speak to me as well.’ -> i have told them over and over… no one cares as much as you do. and no one likes being a middle man!!!

‘ I would appreciate you stop wasting a lot of your own energy on speaking about me, its extremely stalker-ish and ive been told to consider legal action.’ -> i have the text that says, you are thankful for all the energy i am giving you… your the one calling your self a vampire. thanks for your consideration… though i find it insincere, because we both know that you are the one following me around on facebook hence the messages to a friend right after she post pictures of me and her hanging out, this is a huge topic of conversation between people who recognize the pattern. and if it is not pattern and just some coincidence… i guess that is what we will think after you call this friend when you know i am hanging out with her, after i told you i made plans with her and not you, and that it is out of the way to pick you up…and so you call her crying… that your lonely.

” I would prefer to keep not knowing you” YEAH that was the point of me saying, ‘STAY THE FUCK away from me.’ so YEP…right there in agreement.

‘ its strange that all of the things you said about yourself were true’ – IS IT? is it strange that i would aim to really get to know myself…. deeply…and not present a front, but present myself as i am? so is that starnge??? out of all the things you have ever said to me or about me, to and behind my back this is the biggest compliment. patience presents her self as she is…. keep in mind though who i was last year…two years ago… is not who i am today, just as who i will be in a year or two years will not be who i am today. evolve girl…transform…. yadda yadda.

‘ i just truly believed that people were actually “more” than that within themselves but clearly, thats not the case.’ – um… you’re the one who got all misty eyed when you said you help everyone else become who they are, but you get the short straw (paraphrasing), MAYBE instead of looking to others to change and make ‘better’ or what ever you think… you should just worry about making yourself awesome…. and be more. imagine how this friendship would have went if you actually spent time working on YOU, instead of seeking others to help, or help you fix your husband or help you get this or that. maybe that is one of the problems with you and i being friends… is that you felt you could be my ‘fairy godmother’ of sorts…when in reality you should have been putting that energy into yourself. hopefully your doing that now, and have the right mix of friends who compliment your personality…clearly i don’t.

‘wow! lucky you! you got this much out of me! glad I could still make you cream in your pants!” -> and the big cherry on top is the wtf mentality going on here. clearly you don’t know me… and who thinks like this? what i got out of you, the only good things i got out of you, was a marriage to compare my marriage to… and that helped me fix mine, a chance to see addiction mindsets in full swing, also i did meet some cool people through you, and that super soft t-shrit for my birthday… i thank you for all you gave me.

peace