the garden in the back yard is coming a long nicely. may 12th is the work party for the community garden, after that point I think I will be able to get my vegetable plants into the soil. also going to try and grow sunflowers this year!!!
got the lion and the ram added to the tattoo. super excited it’s getting closer to done.
took some friends to vromans nose loop to see the sights, this is now the 4th group i have shared this hike with and i think the love of the region grows every time, the kids were very excited to play with millipedes.
the moon was nice and full on Saturday but did not appear to be as large or at least not the largest i have seen so far.
went for a drive.
visited the factory.
watched the birds.
drank coconut coffee.
admired beautiful women.
cuddled under blankets.
ate pasta salad… with marinated mushrooms, olives, artichokes, olives, cheese, olives,broccoli, olives, tomatoes, olives, noodles…and more olives.
guacamole…yum!!!
organized.
cleaned.
cut coupons.
shared myself some more.
hung clothes out on the line.
hula hooped and i am rusty! need to get moving.
went to a Photoshop class, and i now know how to use the clone tool. i know i could have looked it up online, but meeting new people and what not seemed like a good plan. i am pretty sure i had a booger handing out of my nose, but i don’t know if it was there the entire time. so glad i got out and met some new people so i can be categorized as booger girl in their minds lol. i was laughing at myself all the way home after discovering the booger chilling out…me looking at me…me laughing at me…laughing in my rear view mirror…booger girl.
nice.
things have died down on the agitators end. i am sure it gets old and boring eventually… there only so much time one can devote to me, before they must work on some other grand plan lol.
things have picked up on the work end…
trained a few people to take over child inquires and volunteer inquires so i can now devote my attention to human resources, pay roll, and accounting….oh and office management and… tech support. that is right people…the big brothers big sisters has intrusted the server, email, all electronic computing devices… to me. and they do this with a smile on their face. as i sit here researching, reviewing… calling out to IT know-hows in humble and at times dire straits…’can i ask a favor of you’… with the only compensation i have for any service is a big ‘thank you’ and of course you will be helping kids in our local community get mentors. really how can anyone turn that down?!? spread your ask around…don’t hit on one person or organization to much to heavily… look for sympathizers that have children, or they themselves volunteered for us at one time.
i think someone in my position doing all i do would make big figures, well i am piratically giving myself away to this organization, because who can sit home and make huge figures and be proud they work for the community and a not-for-profit when they are materializing their value interest of hours devoted to purchase items, when each dollar that is taken away from the program and put in to your pocket…is just that, being taken away from the program….
oh another cool note… now i am the dependable paycheck person where in the past i was home and josh was working and his pay check is dependable, it is mine, mine which is a saving grace on slow weeks when work is spread out for josh…life is awesome like this. it just is. it’s good to be in such a partnership and be in a place where you can say things like…. ‘life is awesome’ while reflecting on the changes and shifts of things.
…so i think that is why… is it ok that i am always researching..seeking help and donations of other people’s time to reconfigure the server and lets see remove old Microsoft outlook files hidden way inside the Microsoft exchange infrastructure. because i don’t claim my gas… i don’t itemize my own expenses, i donate my services and just about as much as i can… so that is why i am given so much wiggle room. that is why. …because i use coupons, look for deals when buying supplies. because i will work till about 8 pm if i have to as in something imperative comes up… that is why… i get to come in just about when ever i want to in the AM… which i am thankful for. SO SUPER THANKFUL FOR!!!
this morning i gardened for 2 hours after noah went to school. and the day has been amazing…
because this job is really perfect and i love it very much… hell i will clean toilets and do just about anything for the big brothers big sisters at this point.
“You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right too. No, I think there was too rigid a pattern. You came out of an education and are supposed to know your vocation. Your vocation is fixed, and maybe ten years later you find you are not a teacher anymore or you’re not a painter anymore. It may happen. It has happened. I mean Gauguin decided at a certain point he wasn’t a banker anymore; he was a painter. And so he walked away from banking. I think we have a right to change course. But society is the one that keeps demanding that we fit in and not disturb things. They would like you to fit in right away so that things work now.”
— Anaïs Nin
got a lot of yard work done in the back…. planted some seeds…
hey it’s been raing and rain…we need you!!!
the weekend was bit active. so active noah asked if he could have a few weekends with a little bit more alone time. agreeing that we could all use a break from entertaining.
no one has expressed any great missing of nate the great… four feet under the earth and the house is super peaceful. who knew a cat could be so….much of a downer. though he had his cute aspects.
the flowers are out in Washington Park!!! check them out if you get a chance.
what is it…when you absorb what you see around you….take it in…and place it back out there…to be looked at up and down, inspected…hated… what is that??? what is it when a person says…go on looking for what you want to see…. find what you find what you find in me???
what is it when you draw so much attention yet the interaction is to the point of self threaten? i don’t know… what it is called… what the thing is but i see it.
what is happening when the whispers blacken….sharpen….create divide, what is that? i just wonder i enjoy the tip toe. so many pokers…
what is it when you feel everyone thoughts and you feel the negative…draw out the negative…and as for it to be seen…dealt with… what is that? what purpose does that serve?
does one need to name it? know exactly what they are doing to do it well? be fully conscious of this thing…that lacks some name, of course it has a name i just don’t know it.
and the topper to a great reception after inspection:
[/quote]
Ordinary man may find himself drawn to magic to force the will of another, not considering the magic he may perform upon himself. Extraordinary man is drawn to magic to shape himself, and by proxy those around him.
[/quote]
Interesting…. because I find that everyone is always trying to change me, and so that is normal among the many. It also kind of hints to why I expect people who say they are magicians and understand magic, to show me how they actually do for themselves instead of watching them trying to get others to do for them. I have been trying to inspect my expectations it’s been a trip. I have really entangled myself in some hairy wasteful things. It has taken me five confusing years to figure out some of these little things that seem so basic with how you put it.
Don’t worry. Be happy. Make efforts.
(from a cool forum)
i was a doucher the last few days a bit of a tight wound hot mind… drawing great strengths in severity… finding a myself a bit to far in one direction.
today is a new day…towards some middle place… love the warm me up embrace of my fuzzy bear lover.
when jatasha was over, she was talking about how she wants to help this woman in an abusive situation…i admired her for her ways, she has a lot to share with the world.
josh was very gentle and loving in the way he held me close.
noah and i hugged the other day over and over i was smelling his hair can kissing his fresh young plump cheeks…he has a great scent.
i was thinking about the plants soon to be super thirsty…and their dependence on me to place them correctly to attune to their needs…
and i the hastas are rising in a twist about to un~trilw out of their closed up wrap and become large leafed shade plants in full glory.
things to ponder for future friendships, and choosing people
as well out of love for my current friends no matter what, how can i think about them talk about them openly and while they are not around..interact with them in away that brings me closer to the divine, and also so preserve the special bond??? i think this article is a great one to help me answer some of my questions….
as well as transform the ugly in me…. the interesting look into the ties that bind…bond.
one thing i notice is that this ugly part in me really activates in high gear under the observation of others interacting with me in a way that involves secretive and controlling manners… i recognize this. so the lessons of learning go on and on…. and then i hit back…fight back in ways that are, destructive as well.
one thing is for sure the art of war is bullshit in real friendship… the art of war… with your inner issues…is a much better way to be.. if your feeling jealous, one upped…resentful or disturbed by a friends actions is it not better to confront that right away and discuss it???… or should one take it upon themselves to ‘win’ some battle in a relationship…by hiding feelings, pretending, seeking council for outside forces that will fan the flames of this ‘art of war’ mindset which leads to…destruction of the enemy which i guess you perceive is now your friend because they have not stroked your ego or have in some way ‘disappointing’ you. of course this is all in reflection of the past. so much easier than saying… this is what is going on with me and this is what i feel and think.
i know…because i struggle as well admitting my feelings and thoughts daily with josh and others….so of course it’s not easy it’s much easier to not do these things i recognize this in my own self as well. i also reconize how i feel when someone says ‘your feelings and thoughts are not right’… i feel hurt, unappreciated, ignored…and how does that effect me? now what new ways am i looking to validate why my feelings and thought are right for me… lol seriously patience, so much work on an inner level.
humans are so interesting and complex.
Concerning Above Reason
Article No. 21, 1985-86
starting on pg 158
Concerning above reason, we should use this tool both between
friends and between an individual and the Creator. However,
there is a difference between them. Between an individual and
the Creator, this tool must remain forever. In other words, one
must never underestimate this tool, called, “faith above reason.”
But between friends, if he can see his friend’s virtue within
reason, it is all the better.
And yet, the nature of the body is to the contrary—it always
sees his friend’s fault and not his virtues. This is why our sages
said, “Judge every person favorably.” In other words, although
within reason you see that your friend is wrong, you should still
try to judge him favorably. And this can be above reason. That
is, although logically he cannot justify him, above reason he can
justify him nonetheless.
However, if he can justify him within reason, this is certainly
better. If, for example, he sees that the friends are at a higher
degree than his own, he sees within reason how he is in utter
lowliness compared to the friends, that all the friends keep the
schedule of arriving at the seminary, and take greater interest in
all that is happening among the friends, to help anyone in any
way they can, and immediately implement every advice for the
work from the teachers in actual fact, etc., it certainly affects him
and gives him strength to overcome his laziness, both when he
needs to wake up before dawn and when he is awakened.
Also, during the lesson, his body is more interested in the
lessons, since otherwise he will lag behind his friends. Also, with
anything that concerns Kedusha [holiness], he must take it more
seriously because the body cannot tolerate lowliness. Moreover,
when his body looks at the friends, it sees within reason that
they are all working for the Creator, and then his body, too, lets
him work for the Creator.
And the reason why the body helps him shift to in order
to bestow is as mentioned—the body is unwilling to tolerate
lowliness. Instead, everybody has pride, and he is unwilling to
accept a situation where his friend is greater than him. Thus,
when he sees that his friends are at a higher level than his own,
this causes him to ascend in every way.
This is the meaning of what our sages said, “Counters’ envy
increases wisdom.” In other words, when all the friends look
at the society as being at a high level, both in thoughts and in
actions, it is natural that each and every one must raise his degree
to a higher level than he has by the qualities of his own body.
This means that even if innately he has no craving for great
desires or is not intensely attracted to honor, still, through envy,
he can acquire additional powers that he doesn’t have in his
own nature. Instead, the force of the quality of envy in him has
procreated new powers within him, which exist in the society.
And through them, he has received those new qualities, meaning
powers that were not installed in him by his progenitors. Thus,
now he has new qualities that society has procreated in him.
It turns out that a person has qualities that his parents
bequeathed to their children, and he has qualities that he
acquired from the society, which is a new possession. And this
comes to him only through bonding with the society and the
envy that he feels toward the friends when he sees that they
have better qualities than his own. It motivates him to acquire
their good qualities, which he doesn’t have and of which he is
jealous.
Thus, through the society, he gains new qualities that he
adopts by seeing that they are at a higher degree than his, and he
is envious of them. This is the reason why now he can be greater
than when he didn’t have a society, since he acquires new powers
through the society.
However, this can be said if he truly sees the friends at
a higher degree than his own. But at the same time, the evil
inclination shows him the lowliness of the society and makes
him think, “On the contrary, this society that you wish to bond
with is not for you. They are many degrees below your own.
Thus, from such a society, not only will you gain nothing, but
rather, even the inborn forces that you have, which are small, are
larger than those within this society.
Thus, you should in fact stay away from them. And if you
do want to bond with them, at least see that they all obey you,
meaning follow your understanding of how the society should
behave: how they sit when they gather, how they study, and how
they pray. In other words, either they are all serious, and God
forbid that they should even smile or ever discuss the friends’
worldly matters—if they make a living or how they make a living,
easily or with difficulties, if he has a job where he doesn’t suffer
or has a difficult landlord who gives him a hard time, or if his
coworkers don’t mock him for being orthodox, etc.
All those matters are of no importance and it is a waste
thinking about them, for they are only corporeal matters. He,
on the other hand, came to partake in an assembly of Israel for a
noble purpose, which is to be a true servant of the Creator.”
It follows that when he wishes to forget about his corporeality—
when in fact, his corporeality deeply concerns him and he lets it
go and does not want to remember—the friends come and begin
to discuss their friends’ corporeality. And he does not care about
his friends’ corporeality, since now he wants spirituality, “So why
are the friends suddenly messing up my mind with mundane stuff
which is of no concern to me at all? Is this why I want to forget
about my corporeality, to make time to think about the friends’
corporeality, can this be?” Thus, “You’d better listen to me and stay
away from them,” his body tells him, “And you will certainly be
more successful. Why mess up your mind with such nonsense?”
Therefore, when the body shows him the inferiority of
his friends, what can he answer his body when it comes with
arguments of a righteous one? In other words, the body doesn’t
advise him to turn away from the society because the body is
suggesting that he be wicked. On the contrary, the body tells
him, “By staying away from the society, you will be righteous and
you will think only about your spirituality, and when necessary,
of your corporeality, as well.”
Therefore, if a person believes that without a society it is
impossible to advance and achieve love of the Creator, since
this is the springboard for exiting self-love and entering love of
the Creator, he has no other choice but to go above reason. He
should tell his body, “The fact that you see that they are not
really at the degree of craving to attain the love of the Creator as
you desire it—meaning, since you are my body, I see in you that
you are holier than the rest of the bodies of the friends, since you
wish to be a servant of the Creator.
“I see that you are advising me to leave the friends because
their bodies already display their inferiority and they haven’t the
strength to conceal their improper traits, since people normally
hide the evil in them from one another so that others will respect
them because they have prominent qualities. But here, their evil
is so great that they are unable to overcome the evil and hide it
so that others will not see them. Thus, from my perspective, they
are certainly ignoble.
“However, without a society I will not gain anything, despite
all my good qualities. Thus, above reason, I will keep what our
sages said (Avot, Chapter 4), ‘Be very, very humble.’ In other
words, I must go above reason and believe that they are standing
at a higher degree than mine. And then, to the extent of my
faith, I will be able to receive encouragement and strength from
the society and receive from them what the society can give.”
It follows that the only reason he is accepting the love of
friends above reason is because of necessity, for lack of other
options, but within reason he sees that he is right.
However, it is precisely here, meaning concerning friends,
that within reason is more important than the degree of above reason.
This is so because in truth, when a person wishes to bring himself
closer to Dvekut [adhesion] with the Creator, through the work
that he wishes to do only in order to bestow, the evil begins to
appear in him. And the matter of recognition of evil is not an
intellectual matter. Rather, it is a sensation in the heart.
This means that he should feel about himself that he is
worse and lower than the whole world. And if he hasn’t come to
feel it, but thinks that there is someone who is still worse than
him, then he probably has not obtained recognition of evil. In
other words, the evil is still hidden in his heart and still hasn’t
been disclosed in him.
This is so because it is possible to see evil only when he has
some good. For example, it is impossible to detect any dirt in the
house if it is dark. But when you turn on a lamp, you can see that
there is dirt there.
Also, if one does not do good deeds, does not engage in
Torah and prayer, and wish to draw near the Creator, he has no
light to illuminate his heart and to allow him to see the evil in
his heart. It turns out that the reason why he is still not seeing
that there is more evil in his heart than in all of the friends is
that he needs more good. For this reason, he thinks that he is
more virtuous than his friends.
It therefore turns out that his seeing that his friends are
worse than he comes from his lack of the light that will shine for
him, so he will see the evil in himself. Thus, the whole matter of
evil that is in man is not in finding the evil, since everyone has
this evil, called “will to receive in order to receive,” which is selflove.
Instead, the difference is entirely in the disclosure of the
evil. In other words, not every person sees and feels that self-love
is bad and harmful, since a person doesn’t see that engagement
in satisfying his will to receive, called “self-love,” will harm him.
Yet, when he begins to do the holy work on the path of
truth, meaning when he wishes to achieve Dvekut [adhesion]
with the Creator, so all his actions will be for the Creator, by
that he receives a little more light that shines for him each time,
and then he begins to feel self-love as a bad thing.
It is a gradual process. Each time he sees that this is what
obstructs him from achieving Dvekut with the Creator, he sees
more clearly each time how it—the will to receive—is his real
enemy, just as King Solomon referred to the evil inclination as
“an enemy.” It is written about it, “If your enemy is hungry, feed
him bread, for you will heap burning coals on his head.”
We therefore see that in truth, a person should feel that he
is worse than others because this is indeed the truth. And we
should also understand what our sages said, “Counters’ envy
increases wisdom.” This is precisely within reason. But above
reason, his friend’s merit is not evident enough to say that he
is envious of his friend, so it would cause him to work and toil
because his friend compels him, due to envy.
Baal HaSulam interpreted a phrase by Rabbi Yohanan, “The
Creator saw that righteous were few. He stood and planted them
in each and every generation,” as it is said, “For the pillars of
the earth are the Lord’s, and He has set the world upon them.”
RASHI interprets, “Spread them through all the generations,”
to be a basis, sustenance, and a foundation for the existence
of the world (Yoma 78b). “Few” means that they were growing
fewer. Hence, what did He do? “He stood and planted them
in each and every generation.” Thus, by planting them in each
generation, they would multiply.
We should understand how they would multiply if He planted
them in each and every generation. We should understand the
difference between all the righteous being in a single generation,
and being scattered through all the generations, as is understood
from the words of RASHI’s commentary, that by spreading them
throughout the generations the righteous would increase.
He, Baal HaSulam, said, “By having righteous in each
generation, there will be room for people who do not have the
innate qualities to achieve Dvekut with the Creator. However,
by bonding with the righteous that will be in each generation,
through adhering to them, they will learn from their actions and
will be able to acquire new qualities through the righteous that
will be in each generation. This is why He spread the righteous in
each generation, so that in this way the righteous will increase.”
And as was said, the same can be obtained by adhesion of
friends—new qualities by which they will be qualified to achieve
Dvekut with the Creator. And all this can be said while he sees
the merits of the friends. At that time, it is relevant to say that
he should learn from their actions. But when he sees that he is
better qualified than they are, there is nothing he can receive
from the friends.
This is why they said that when the evil inclination comes
and shows him the lowliness of the friends, he should go above
reason. But certainly, it would be better and more successful if
he could see within reason that the friends are at a higher degree
than his own. With that we can understand the prayer that
Rabbi Elimelech had written for us, “Let our hearts see the virtues
of our friends, and not their faults.”
However, between an individual and the Creator, it is a
whole other matter. In other words, above reason is better. This
means that if he takes upon himself faith above reason, his work
is in the right direction. This is not so within reason, although a
person’s intellect grasps differently. In other words, every person
knows and understands that if he didn’t have to believe, but His
Providence were revealed throughout the world, meaning to all
the creatures, the whole world would certainly engage in Torah
and Mitzvot, and there would be no place for secular people.
Rather, everyone would be orthodox.
However, His Providence is not revealed to the lower ones.
Instead, they must believe. Yet, faith is a difficult thing, since the
Creator gave us intellect and reason to see each thing according
to our own eyes. We consider everything that concerns human
relations according to our best judgment, and there is nothing
that will give us distinctions except our minds, as our sages said,
“A judge has only what his eyes see” (Baba Batra 131). It follows
that we conduct all our matters within reason, not above reason.
And for this reason, when a person begins with the work
of the Creator and he is told that he must assume faith above
reason, he begins to think: “But I see that the Creator gave us
reason so as to understand everything according to the intellect,
meaning according to the way our minds grasp. Thus, how can I
take upon myself something that is against my mind?” It is a very
difficult thing for the body to understand that it is in its interest
to do the work of holiness in above reason.
Above reason applies to both mind and heart. This is why
not every person can enter the work of holiness in the form of
bestowal, which is work above reason. Therefore, when teaching
the rest of the world the work of the Creator, the order is as
Maimonides said, that they begin in Lo Lishma [not for Her
name] until they gain knowledge and acquire much wisdom,
and then they are told that the essence of the work is in order to
bestow, which is called, “work for the Creator.”
However, we should understand why above reason is better.
The contrary seems to make more sense—that if serving the
Creator were clothed within reason, more people would come
and want to be servants of the Creator. Baal HaSulam said about
it that one should not think that when the Creator gives us His
work in the form of above reason, it is a low degree. Rather,
we should believe that it is a very high degree, for only by that
does one have a chance to be able to work in order to bestow.
Otherwise, he would have to fall into in order to receive.
Therefore, although more people would be serving if the
work had been within reason, they would never be able to
achieve Dvekut with the Creator, which is the work in order to
bestow. Hence, although there would be an increase in quantity,
in terms of quality, it would be impossible for man to be able
to receive the delight and pleasure that the Creator wishes to
give to the creatures, according to His desire—to do good to His
creations.
Thus, for the delight and pleasure that the creatures will
receive to be flawless, meaning to avoid having the bread of
shame, there was the correction of the Tzimtzum [restriction]—
that the upper abundance would not shine unless it was where
there is equivalence of form. This is considered that the creatures
receive the abundance in vessels of bestowal. And when there are
no vessels of bestowal in the creatures, they must remain in the
dark, which is called, “they will die without wisdom.”
However, we should know that although there is the light
of Torah in Lo Lishma, as well, of which our sages said, “One
should always engage in Torah and Mitzvot in Lo Lishma because
from Lo Lishma we come to Lishma, since the light in it reforms
him,” afterwards, one must reach Lishma. In other words, he
should come to work above reason in mind and heart.
But between a man and his friend, if he can work in love of
friends within reason, meaning if he tries to see the friends as
being at a higher level of holiness than himself, this is certainly
better. In other words, if he sees within reason that the friends
are closer to Dvekut with the Creator than him, it is certainly
better than if he had to believe above reason.
Thus, in truth, he sees that he is at a higher degree than
the friends. Within reason, he always sees the friends as low.
However, he believes above reason that he should say—because it
is a Mitzva [commandment/good deed]—that he should believe
that it is not as he sees it. Certainly, if he can see within reason
that the friends are at degrees of holiness, it is all the better.
Similarly, we can interpret the verse (Samuel, 16:7), “But
the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not look at his appearance or at
the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for it is
not as man sees, for man looks to the eyes, but the Lord looks
to the heart.’”
We therefore see that when the Creator sent Samuel to
anoint one of the sons of Yishai [Jesse], Samuel understood by
what he saw in his eyes that Eliav, son of Yishai, was fit to be the
king of Israel instead of King Saul, but the Creator disagreed
with his perception. In the end, they brought David, who was
herding the cattle, and David was red-headed with fair eyes and
good appearance, “And the Lord said, ‘Arise, anoint him; for
this is he.’”
What does that teach us? There are two things that we see
here:
1) From the perspective of Samuel, he understands Eliav’s
virtues—according to his mind—as being fit to be king over Israel.
But the Creator told him, “No, do not follow your own reason,”
since when concerning the Creator, reason is worthless. Rather,
since the Creator wanted to enthrone a king, this is called
“between an individual and the Creator,” where there is no room
for reason, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are
My ways your ways.” Rather, what did the Creator tell him? “For
it is not as man sees, for man looks to the eyes, and the Lord
looks to the heart.”
According to the above, we can interpret that “For man
looks to the eyes” is good between a person and his friend. In
that case, it is good if one can go within reason, that it is in
accord with what one sees.
This is not so with, “And the Lord looks to the heart.” In
other words, concerning matters of the Creator, it is above reason
and one must not look according to his own eyes, but above
reason. Thus, two discernments must be made here: 1) Between
a person and the Creator, above reason is better; 2) between a
person and his friend, within reason is better.
This is why the Creator told him, “Do not look at his
appearance,” since following his eyes is good between a man and
his friend. If you can see the friend’s merits within reason, it is
all the better. But this is not so here, when I want to anoint him
as king. This operation belongs to Me. I want him as king. This
is called “between a person and the Creator.” Here, the proper
work is above reason, since precisely in this way it is possible to
achieve reception in order to bestow. Otherwise, he will fall
into receiving in order to receive, which causes separation and
remoteness from Kedusha [holiness].
However, here arises a question, after one has decided to
go above reason and not look at all the questions that the body
begins to ask. When he begins to work on the path of bestowal and
faith above reason, and overcomes the obstacles—the questions
that the body brings him from the world over—and closes his
eyes and doesn’t wish to look at anything that contradicts the
mind and heart, but has decided to go only above reason, after
this decision, sometimes he suddenly brings great excuses that
the body must agree with.
Thus, he sees that now he is going within reason. But what
can he do when now he sees, through the excuses he received
from above, that he tells himself, “What can I do now that I
have no place where I can work above reason? I see now that
everything I do in order to bestow is how it should be.”
Thus, he no longer has any questions about serving the
Creator, which force him to work above reason. But since the
work is primarily above reason, what can he do when he is inbeing a servant of the Creator, it follows that thus far he had
work in the form of above reason: the body disagreed with this
work and he always had to overcome, and needed the Creator
to give him strength above reason. But now he no longer needs
the help of the Creator, since now he feels that he has a basis
on which to build his structure. In other words, he already has
support on which to rely.
Thus, now he is blemishing the faith that he was using
before, since now he can already say, “Thank God I am rid of the
burden of faith, which was a burden and load to me.” But now
I already have a basis within reason because now I have received
some awakening from above so that the body agrees that it is
worthwhile to keep Torah and Mitzvot. It turns out that by that
he is blemishing the faith.
And Baal HaSulam said that at that time, one must say,
“Now I see that the real way is actually to go above reason. And
the evidence of that is the fact that now I have been rewarded
with some illumination from above, only because I have taken
it upon myself to go above reason. This is why I was rewarded
with the Creator bringing me a little closer to Him and giving
me some awakening from above.”
And this illumination that he has now received gives him
an answer to all the questions. It turns out that this testifies to
the above reason. Thus, what should I do now so I will continue
with above reason? There is only to reinforce and to start looking
for ways to dress his work in above reason.
It turns out that by that, he did not blemish his faith at
all, since he was walking in it before he was rewarded with any
illumination from above, since even now he is not receiving the
illumination as a foundation on which to build the structure of
his work. Rather, he is taking the illumination as a testimony that
he is on the right track, that he is in faith above reason. Only in
this form of work does the Creator bring a person closer to Him
and gives him room to draw nearer to Him, since this nearing
will not let him fall into the vessels of reception, which are called
“within reason,” since the Creator sees that he is trying to go
only above reason.
It follows from all the above that concerning above reason,
there is a difference between a person-and-the-Creator and a
person-and-his-friend. Between a person and his friend, if he can
see the friends’ merits within reason it is better. But if within
reason he sees only the friends’ faults, he has no choice but to go
above reason and say, “What I see, hear, and feel is all wrong and
untrue. It is impossible that I was mistaken about the friends I
have chosen to bond with, meaning that I miscalculated.
“That is, I thought that I would grow richer in spirituality
through them, since they had possessions that I did not. Hence,
if I were to bond with them, I could rise to a higher degree than
I thought. But now I see that in fact, I am discerning otherwise.
And I heard that Baal HaSulam said that the only thing that can
help a person out of self-love and be rewarded with the love of the Creator
is the love of friends. Hence, I have no choice but to bond with
those friends, although in my view, I would be better off staying
away from them and avoid bonding with them.
“However, I have no choice and I must believe above reason
that indeed, all the friends are at a high degree, but I cannot see
their virtue with my eyes.” This is the reason why he must believe
above reason. But when he sees the merit of the friends within
reason, he can certainly derive great benefits from the friends.
But what can he do? He has no choice.
However, it is a different order between a person and the
Creator. In a place where one can go above reason, it is better.
Therefore, where one can be assisted from within reason, being
rewarded with some illumination from above, then he can say,
“Now I see that it is worthwhile being a servant of the Creator
because I feel a good taste in the work.”
It follows that he took this feeling—that he finds meaning
in the work—as a basis and foundation upon which to build his
Judaism. And now that he understands with his reason that it is
worthwhile to keep Torah and Mitzvot, his whole foundation is
built on this condition. This means that when he finds meaning
in the work, he should obey the voice of the Creator. Thus, if he
does not find meaning in the work, he cannot keep the Mitzvot
of the Creator.
It is known that assuming the kingdom of heaven must
be done “With all your heart and with all your soul.” In other
words, even if He takes one’s soul from him, meaning even if he
has no livelihood, not even Nefesh, he is still committed to being
a servant of the Creator and to not present any conditions before
the Creator, telling Him, “If you do as I wish, according to what
I understand that I need—meaning that I feel a lack in this, and
if You satisfy my need—I promise to be a servant of the Creator.
But if You do not satisfy all my wishes—those I understand that I
need—I cannot take upon myself everything that You command
me through Moses.”
However, one should assume the burden of the kingdom
of heaven without any conditions, meaning even above reason.
Moreover, one must say, “Our having to work above reason is
not because the Creator cannot give us reason.” Rather, we must
believe that it is all to our benefit. It turns out that between a
person and the Creator we should try to keep it above reason,
and if he receives some reason, he should do as mentioned
above.
such a state?
Baal HaSulam said that when a person is rewarded with some
disclosure from above and now he feels that it is worthwhile.
starting on pg 158 – The Social Writings by Rabash
i was told by a friend that Angelina would like a book back from me. my response is that… no, i have no idea what the book is, i have no desire to interact with you in any way as you are incapable of sharing your truths, your own filled with fear and clingy behavior… and i was willing to work with you back in the day when i was open with you about my FEARS, and my clingy behavior, and my truths… but instead you clung to your bottle of pills, your agenda, as the only way to get attention and rides… and you turned any desire and respect i had to fight to keep you as my friend into a nothing. there is nothing between me and you except for the platform i built off of the experience of knowing you and the wonderful lessons and the cultivated energy that i mold into meaning…. but you, are released… from me, i love your love…and hope you continue to cultivate it, but being around you brings out shitty things in me. not all your fault, but truly nothing i want to ever interject in my space again. so no i have NO IDEA what book you want, and i am sorry you will have to live with out it as you already made two trips to my house to gather your things, some of those things you actually gave me, but obviously items were super important to you…and you use it as a way to find some interaction with me, even if it is through another person. wishing you the best in your new life and still repeating under my breath…please prove that critical part of me wrong. i want to be wrong i will humbly accept my misjudge of character…. still though, i am not meant for you, others are. and it should be a relief on both ends. we are not good as friends, it is worthless… i can not be of any real useful service to you, and i don’t like the day to day things that you are interested in… it seems baseless and useless to me. though you taught me a lot about media and all that stuff… i appropriate all the lessons.
me, i am doing pretty good. the weather is warm the community garden night is tomorrow, the balance is a work in progress…
imperfect and watching it all.
‘a no one like the rest of us’
